Ok Ladies and Gentlemen and any one in between uncle wazzup987 has roused from his post finals coke, redline, and alcohol induced stupor to explain how to be self confident without going down the red pill rabbit hole of venereal disease. Also uncle wazzup wants to avoid learning autocad.
So as red pill aptly points out an abundance mentality is key. It shows confidence and that you are healthy (mentally [ie not codependent]). But I would be willing to bet a lot of the cringey rejection messages women get online and off are from men trying to get an abundance mentality by screaming how insecure they are in the form of message like : “i wouldn’t fuck you anyway hoe” or something to that effect. To the red pillers in the audience vigorously writing me to tell me how “deez bitches don’t want to be respected yo” [1] , and how you need to “break ass and shake her ass” [2] . Listen the dysfunction is with you. Both Ozy[3] and I have written[4] about the perils of being a supplicant/sycophant.
So how do we get rid of your major malfunction? Well for a starters we are going to teach you how to respect yourself. This will include 4 mental exercises and eventual lifestyle switches. This includes
Standards:
These are your more objective criteria for your dating selection though they will not be entirely objective. How much does she make? what are YOUR relationships goals? What role would make YOU most happy in a relationship? What are you willing to sacrifice to be in a relationship OR make progress in a relationship? HB#?
Values:
Values are moral ethical and virtues that you want in partner and yourself. They also include thing like respect. IE does this person respect my time? What are ethical/moral lines I won’t cross or tolerate my partner crossing? basically what metaphysical concepts do you value?
Boundaries:
What are your get the fuck out my life conditions? What are your sexual boundaries? what are your relationship boundaries? These are your red lines. The things that if cross its a rubicon. There is no going back, The relationship is over, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars, pack up your shit and get out of my house . To test these with a partner I recommend early in a relationship pick one irrational thing and say no and see how a prospective partner handles it.
EDIT 5/17/16 01:04 est : Just watch this.
EDIT 5/17/16 01:04 est : Just watch this.
Beliefs:
What do you believe about the world? See the thing is, is that birds of a feather flock together is so fucking true. Do you believe AWALT? Well so does she. it why shes with you in the context of a relationship. You both share a belief about the nature of the relationship between men and women, Do you believe all women are sluts []insert perceived feminine trait? So does she. Do you believe that the second a woman gets chance she will branch swing. So does she. And you will believe reciprocal things about men. But what both of you don't realize is you are both stuck in your own dating platos cave. I am stuck in my own platos cave too, so is everyone else on this ball of iron and carbon. You will end up sharing relationships with people who are looking at the same shadows on the wall that you are. If you want to know the people you are attracted to in term of STRs and LTRs then examine your unexamined beliefs.
The past four criteria describe your Expectations. Expectations are important to self respect because in order to both gain and keep self respect you must have both reasonable and firm expectations and enforce them. These expectations need to be your unmoveable objects in dating.
If your expectations shift depending on who you are with to be liked or to get laid you have made them a moving target. They cant be reached nor can you hold anyone to them. Having strong expectations won’t make you attractive to every woman on the planet but it will give you a framework to set up a filter to find the women you want to be with. This will also restore your sense of agency in the dating world and put you nominally in the role of gatekeeper. No one wants to feel like you are going out with them because they were your only option OR that you would have gone out with just anybody even if you had options. Setting up criteria to meet will help get rid of that vibe that you will send off if you are coming from a place of desperation.
Our next stepping stone in our journey to an abundance mentality is developing self worth.
What have you done with you life? no really? what? You know better than I. If I asked you for you five best stories what are the chance they would actually fun to hear. Mine are : Getting chased by a biker gang in kingston ontario, a story which i will not publish on the internet for many reasons (sorry greenland), waking up in Chicago's chinatown with no shoes and hoboing back to Rochester on the back of a box car, having to drive to Virginia to rescue my friend from his crazy ex and being chased through western fairfield by said crazy ex, and that time everyone thought i died after three nights of partying (not entirely true a part of me did die.... my gal bladder, it was weak and beta and didn't deserve to be in my bodies awesomeness).
So i ask again what have you done? what have you survived? You are what you going to do? IF what you do is boring so are you. You need to approach the dating world from a position of confidence. You can’t do that if you have never taken risks or have nothing to be proud of.
So in the last leg of our journey to an abundance mentality and self respect is you are going to find out how to be single without hating yourself or being single. Simply put a lot of you guys are probably codependant narcissists. You need to learn how to not be narcissists and codependant to have healthy relationships. The first step is to learn how to be single without hating every minute of it. The second thing you need to do is work on your narcissism if you have it. I am 100% certain you are probably all codependants based on how the supplicant nice guy model resonates with you. You may or may not be narcissistic but it wouldn't surprise me if it were a comorrbid condition.
So In short what have we learned today class? 1. Have good expectations and be willing to enforce them. 2. Work on yourself until you are something you can be proud of, and do interesting things. 3. Learn to be single and enjoy it.
